I think one of the most annoying things about emotions is how they come out. Especially when it comes to the children. When I'm really angry at myself I direct it at them.
Example
After having enjoyed a midnight snack I forgo the walk up the stairs to return the remaining snack to it's rightful place. I crawl into bed and wake up to a mess of crumbs, giggles and scattered food. The culprit, yep you know who's fault this is, MINE. But do I scold myself and set the appropriate punishment? Nope. Who gets into trouble? Who becomes the scapegoat(s)? You've guessed it. Them, always them. Why? Because "Anger is a self-centered reaction to inconvenience or disappointment." Translating to "How could you do this to me?" pg 17 of The Soft Spoken Parent
When I read that I hung my head even lower then it already was. Of course they don't do it to me. They did it because of me. I left the snack where they could reach it. In plain sight creating the temptation. They are still little enough that their actions will always be to fill a need. Their need at that moment was hunger.
"And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, ..." Mosiah 4:14
That's exactly what I'm doing. The exact opposite. So I'm angry at myself for once again making those stupid mistakes that result in my children going hungry, still in their pj's and fighting over the left overs.
The thought occurs to me to stop yelling at them and have a good yell at myself. Then this follows, "it's madness to have a conversation with yourself" Hahaha, I do it all the time. So why not have a good yell at myself? Look at myself squarely in the eye, in front of the mirror, and just blow up on myself. It sure would save my children from unjustifiable wrath. I'm also quite certain that it would ventilate a burden of emotions that I tend to keep to myself. I can just imagine myself filled with anger, turning into sorrowful tears, then embarrassment for having been discovered and ending in laughter at the joy of the weight of all that personal pain I had let myself hang onto.
I'm going to strive to put this into practice. Along with a lot of prayer because I know I'm human bound by the human flaws of forgetfulness, laziness and just plain stupidity. Just by starting off my day on my knees has made such an instant difference. As I was writing this post Charlie and Bina discovered the half eaten box of Reese's Pieces. Did I yell? Nope. Hurray! I only had them confirm that they had eaten them and left it at that. That in it's self is enough of a lessoned learned. They have become sneaky and gotten into the habit of telling fibs to avoid trouble. With their confession and my quiet reaction they will hopefully insight them that truth does not always equal punishment.
"Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter anything before God; for God is in heaven , and thou upon earth; therefore let they words be few." Ecclsiastes 5:3
1 Imput from the world outside:
I yell too much too. Sometimes it is the littlest things that get me the most frustrated. *sigh*
At least we get to try each day to do a little better!
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