Parenthood by force will not create success; no matter how strong or correct the reasoning may be.

I can attest to that truth using myself as an example as well as my children.

On Father's Day (late post) our Sunday school lesson revolved around how fathers enforce or pass their influence to their children. For the sake of all parents I would have to say that anyone of us try to impart our influence so that when we say, they do. We say "get in the car", they get in. We say "brush your teeth", they brush their teeth. When we say "no" to a request to go out to a show that is not appropriate, they don't follow the urging of friends or desire to climb out the window and sneak across the lawn to the awaiting friends in a borrowed car.

We each want that kind of influence. What we do and how we get it depends entirely upon us. There are very few definite right and wrong ways. Knowing what is effective is hard work. Add two or more children and it's downright messy. I believe this is the only area in life where there is grey matter, no straight black and white answers. If that were true there would be only one How-to-book on raising children. The only proven method that is not effective in obtaining true positive influence is physical abuse. We all know what happens when you spank a child. They cry, resentment can build, fear takes hold, hatred may form, a chain reaction can follow, a recognition of what they did wrong may be lost, self confidence can crumble. The list is long and unfortunately the final results are hard to see. Tragicaly at times it is seen in ways we never wanted to happen or could ever imagine possible from our children.

So how can we succeed? How do we know in which ways to influence our children? The lessons and methods our parents used on us, will they be effective on ours? More importantly how am I going to do this with the lack of a Daddy for the last 4 years? How will I do this while entering the transition of introducing a first time Daddy to children who haven't had one? Not only do I have to face the challenge of finding the correct influence upon Charlie and Bina, I also have to combine that influence with Daddy. So what can I do?

Go to the only place that always makes sense, even if I don't know it. To my Heavenly Father. Many times I have prayed for his help in being a mother, usually after feelings of failure. Each day He blesses me with a new beginning and the best part of it all. How wonderfully he created the nature of children. How easy they are to forgive their Mommy when I've yelled at them for something that was not their fault or even grown into a full understanding of what is right and wrong. I am also blessed to have met a man who is willing and has promised to make the efforts every good father should in raising children. This post, "That's What Father's Do", from Mormon Mommy Blog is such a perfect example of what Mr. Berry promises to be to Charlie and Bina.

I've also been blessed with the discipline to study the scriptures more regularly then I have in a long time. In them I have found such insight that I hope to practice and live by.

Ecclesiastes 15:3

Be not rash with thy mouth , and let not thing heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for god is in heaven , and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

... thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy might.

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart;

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.